Everything I Never Said
by OneShotFun
Summary: Emily Fields returns to Rosewood five years after leaving, only to discover how different things are with Alison.


A/N: Hello! I used to mainly be focused on the Spencer/Toby relationship on PLL, but since season 5, I've had a very strangely crazy obsession with Emison! I was listening to this song, and it just suddenly gave me the inspiration for a story dealing with the future. This takes place post time jump.

* * *

 _I'm sorry baby, I broke you down  
I was awake in a dream  
And now I felt you and I'm living in the clouds  
And you'll be stronger without me_

 **DAMAGE / FOURS**

 _ **[EVERYTHING I NEVER SAID]**_

* * *

5 YEARS LATER

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

Emily, who was previously in a quiet fit of sobs while she stared at the church floor, turned her head to look at the blonde beauty. The blonde beauty inched closer to her, gently putting her hand on Emily's back, running her hand up and down in a comforting caress. Her lips quivered at the sight of the girl. Her hair was a lighter shade of blonde than before, parted differently as well. She didn't even know why she noticed such a meaningless change of appearance about the girl at _this_ time.

"Ali," she mumbled out unintentionally, but the blonde heard it loud and clear, despite her quiet tone.

In all the despair of the situation, Emily had completely forgotten she would even be coming face-to-face with Alison DiLaurentis once again.

"He was such a wonderful man," she went on to say. "I'm so sorry, Emily."

God, Emily felt so estranged from her at the moment. _Emily_... the way the blonde beauty simply said her name made her feel like a stranger, or at least as if they weren't one bit close. The way she spoke felt distant, like she would say this to _anyone_ close to the deceased. And that really shouldn't have been what Emily was concerned about at the moment, but she couldn't help but deeply ponder it. In some ways, it confused her, but in others, she completely understood it, too. They were practically strangers now, weren't they?

"Oh, um, thank you," Emily choked on her words. "It's nice to see you again.. it's been a long time."

The blonde nodded her head while a small, yet pitiful due to the occasion, smile emerged on her face.

"It has," she agreed, and scanned the girl from head to toe, analyzing her. "...so," she continued, "how are you? I mean, how are you holding up? This whole thing must be so difficult, and it just breaks my heart to be here."

Emily furrowed her eyebrows. She knew Alison was just being nice to her because of what had happened. She knew this type of speech; she had seen her mom do it all the funerals they attended together. It was that language people used just to be polite, and that felt a lot like how Alison was speaking to her. Emily knew they had been apart for a very long time, but after everything they had been through together, didn't it make sense to offer more than an 'I'm so sorry' and a 'how are you holding up'?

"I'm trying to be okay. I'm not sure it's working out," she admitted. "I mean, I knew he was sick for a long time. He had problems long before I even left for college, and I knew he was going through stuff. I just didn't... I just wasn't expecting anything like this to happen. It's like, I anticipated it coming, but the impact was still so severe."

"You're going to be okay," Alison said.

Emily knew damn well that this was the type of sympathetic stuff her mom used to say at the funerals, even to the relatives and family friends that they didn't know very well. And that was what was making her feel like such a damn stranger to this girl.

Before they could continue any type of conversation, a tall young man approached Alison. He had a medium shade of brown hair, and was decently good looking. Perhaps some would find him extremely attractive, but considering Emily's interests in partners, she found it very rare to classify guys as extremely attractive. She had an idea of who this man probably was, since she never remembered him being invited to the funeral. So, she figured he was Alison's boyfriend.

"Parking was _so_ hard to find," the man quietly said, and then pecked the top of the blonde's head, confirming Emily's suspicions on who he was. _Her boyfriend_. It made sense; Alison was a very beautiful young woman, obviously she was going to catch the eye of many men in Rosewood. And it wasn't so shocking that she had found a man that she liked. Not _every_ person in this town was a monster.

" _Honey_ ," Alison warned him in a hushed tone. "This is Emily."

A realization hit the poor guy: he was complaining about the minimal parking space right in front of the girl whose father just died. Nice. Emily didn't blame him, though— he really had no idea. His eyes bugged just a little, and his lips formed an 'o' shape at the news.

"My God," he swallowed hard. "I am _so_ sorry. I should have recognized you as one of Ali's old friends.. she's got so many pictures at home. Please... my _deepest_ condolences for your loss, Emily. It's such a devastating thing to go through."

She felt a little annoyed by the way he spoke. He didn't even know her or her father, was attending the funeral, and dared to give her his apologies about her father's death. But she did get a new piece of information from what he said: they were in a relationship serious enough for them to be living together. _Or_ , he had been over to her house enough times (for what Emily didn't even want to think about) to have analyzed all the photo frames that she had.

"Thanks," she said, scratching her head. "And you are...?"

"So sorry again! D-David.. David Rollins," he stumbled through introducing himself. "I'm, uh, I'm Alison's husband."

 _Husband_.

That was something Emily wasn't expecting to hear. Boyfriend, friends-with-benefits, maybe even fiancé at worst... but _husband_? She had gotten married and didn't even think about inviting one of her best friends? Not to mention, all the crap Emily had went through in high school because of her. After _everything_ she had freaking done for that girl, Alison didn't even have the decency to invite her to the wedding or inform her that she was even getting married? Emily felt sick to her stomach. That man was her husband.

There was a guilty look on Alison's face, as if she knew Emily was going to be angry when she found out. Honestly, Emily didn't care if Alison knew that she was upset about this, because there was nothing wrong with being upset about it. She wasn't freaking invited to the wedding. Maybe they lost touch, but it wouldn't have hurt one bit to be invited, even if she didn't attend. But there was no way in hell Emily wouldn't have attended the wedding.

Emily even invited her to her father's funeral, but she didn't get an invite to what was supposed to be the 'best day of someone's life'?

David Rollins pressed his lips together for a moment before continuing, "I know you probably weren't expecting an unknown stranger of a man to show up today, and I'm sorry for that, but Alison insisted that I come today—"

"You've done enough apologizing already," Emily cut him off. "It's fine."

That shut him up. He nodded his head quickly and reached over to take Alison's hand, which only furthered Emily's rage. She couldn't believe she wasn't invited.

"Well," he swallowed hard, and turned over to his wife. "Honey, I'm going to go find a seat inside. Are you going to join me?"

She shook her head.

"I'll be inside in a moment. I just need another moment to talk to her, okay?" she informed him. He nodded his head, and she leaned closer to peck his cheek before he walked into the church. He walked inside for a funeral he wasn't even invited to...

"You want to talk to me for another moment?" Emily challenged, folding her arms. "Okay, _Alison_. What the hell is there to even talk about anymore, since we're apparently so distant that I wasn't invited to your wedding!"

"Look, I know you're mad—" Alison began, sighing.

"You're damn right, I'm mad," she rolled her eyes. "Don't you think I have a pretty good reason to be this pissed off?"

"I do—" Alison began again.

"Oh... 'I do'," Emily mocked. "' _I do_ ', the words I didn't get to hear you saying, since I wasn't invited to the wedding! How funny that you said that..."

"Please, stop," she begged, sighing again. "I wanted to invite you to the wedding, but.. I don' know, okay? It didn't feel right to me. We weren't really talking anymore, and it was a very small wedding. I didn't invite friends, trust me."

"Trust you?" Emily spat. "After all these years, you _still_ keep things from me, and you expect me to trust you?"

The blonde felt her hands trembling a little bit. She longed to defend herself more, but she knew it was useless. The fact was clear: she didn't invite Emily to her own wedding, and that seemed to sting a lot more than Alison ever thought it would.

"Emily, that isn't what you should be focusing on right now," she said, swallowing hard.

"You're right," the dark-haired girl angrily said. Her vision grew blurry as tears built up in her eyes. She tried so hard to keep them from falling, but failed. They rolled down her cheeks like waterfalls— she wore waterproof mascara for that very reason. She knew she would be crying a lot today, but she had no clue it was going to also be about something other than her father.

"You're so damn right," Emily continued bitterly. "My father is dead, and I'm at his funeral right now. I was already a wreck when I got here, and now I've also just found out that you got married, and you didn't even think to call me. You decided to wait until the last possible minute."

"I didn't mean to hurt you," she tried.

"That's the thing: you never mean to hurt me, but you always end up doing it," Emily scoffed. "Thanks for coming today, Alison."

xxx

"This isn't what I thought it was going to be like."

"What? College?" Toby Cavanaugh guessed, taking a sip of his beer on the front porch of the Fields' home.

"No, not just college. Life," she answered, taking a sip of her own beer. "Life in general," she clarified.

"I know what you mean," he said, nodding his head.

"I found out about Alison's husband today," Emily confessed, looking over at her friend. He looked back over at her and tiled his head to the side in intrigue. "I was probably a lot angrier than I should have been, and I was vocal about it... but to be fair, it was the first I've heard of him. I didn't even know she got a boyfriend to begin with. I guess I should have figured she'd start seeing someone eventually.. she's Alison. I just thought she'd call me if she got married."

"They're married?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "I knew about their relationship since I live here, but I never knew they got married. We don't really talk."

"But you guys don't have the best history. She was really important to me," Emily explained, and then set her beer down on the porch. "We were always the closest in the group. I just.. I always thought that I'd be there for her big day.. maybe even be her maid of honor or something."

"Or did you think you'd be the bride in it?" he joked, grinning from ear to ear.

" _Toby_ ," she said in an annoyed tone, kicking him lightly with her foot. "That's not funny. Are you drunk already?"

"I'm not drunk. Come on!" he protested. "Didn't you ever have a feeling that you'd be the ones to end up together? It's like, this thing where you just feel like there's nobody else you could be with except that person."

"This is about Spencer, isn't it?" Emily asked.

"I miss her every single day, Em. And I saw her for the first time in a long while today. It was hard for me," he explained, and then took a deep breath. "I love her, you know? And no matter how much time passes, I don't think I'm gonna stop loving her. She's the first person I've ever really been able to love like that. It's special to me."

"I know she still loves you and cares about you, too, whether it's in the way you want her to or not," Emily told him.

"Look, it may not seem this way, but Ali loves you, too.. the same thing: whether it's in the way you want her to or not," he said.

"I never said I wanted her to love me like that," Emily raised her eyebrows. "It's been so long— I haven't even thought about her in that way since, I don't know.." She picked up her beer and took a long, indulging sip. "God, I feel like such an ass," she mumbled quietly.

"Why?" he asked. "You did nothing wrong."

"My dad died, Toby. Today was his funeral," she explained. "Today was my father's funeral, and I'm sitting here and worrying about how Alison didn't invite me to her wedding. What kind of person does that?"

"Nobody's questioning how much you love your father. Everyone knows you love him," he said, and put his arm around her. "Em, it's okay to think about things other than your father. In fact, it's _good_. When my mom died, the last thing I wanted to do was think about her death all day long. I wanted to move on. Honestly, I _wish_ I had some conflicting romance problem back then that took my mind off of a much larger problem. But unfortunately, I wasn't really getting a lot of girls during that time."

Emily chuckled, and looked over at him again.

"Thank you for being here with me, Tobes," she said.

"Hey, of course," he smiled sweetly. "You know I'm always here for you. And I'm really happy to see you again. I hope this isn't the last time we hang out in another five years."

"It won't be," she promised him, shaking her head. "I think I'm going to stay in Rosewood for a little while and reconnect with my mom. We both need to be there for each other right now."

"You're staying in Rosewood?" he asked with a grin.

She nodded her head and told him, "I have no clue how long I'm going to stay, though. Just until it feels right to leave again... right now, I think leaving could be the worst possible thing I could do. Being around my friends and family is something I need to do. You never know how long someone's going to be around. Might as well make every moment count."

"Don't talk like that," he warned. "Just because it's hard right now, doesn't mean it's going to be hard forever."

"Well, right now, it feels like this pain is never going to go away," she sighed.

The two of them glanced at each other another time before picking up their beer bottles and sipping in unison.

* * *

TWO WEEKS LATER

"Do you want tostadas or enchiladas for dinner? I'm in the mood to make Mexican," Emily told her mother, holding up a cookbook with the two recipes side-by-side.

Pam Fields smiled sincerely at her daughter.

"Emmy, I appreciate that you're cooking dinner for me _again_ , but I was actually going to meet with a friend for dinner tonight," her mother explained, giving her daughter a sorry look. "I've been avoiding leaving the house, and I've taken a lot of time off of work. This is so hard for me, but I can't hide inside the house forever. I think it'll be good for me to see my friends, and I also think you should do the same."

"Oh," Emily sighed, and set the cookbook down on the table. "I understand. And I already do talk to the girls whenever I can. They're not going to be in town forever. They all have lives in other states.. and Spencer's even got a life way out in London. I'm making the most of their time here."

"Good. I hope you can understand that I'm trying to do the same," Pam explained, and kissed the top of her daughter's head. "If you want to, I'll bring you back food from the restaurant we go to."

"Just a little. I'm still going to make Mexican for myself," Emily smiled.

"Tell me how it turns out," Pam laughed. "And by the way, I'd go with enchiladas. Those sound really good right now."

"You're right, they do," Emily laughed as well. "Alright. Well, have a nice night, Mom."

"Thank you, honey," she said, tilting her head with a sincere look on her face. "Oh God, look at you, sweetheart. You're such a beautiful young woman. You've grown so much since you left home. Your father would be so proud of you right now... I mean, he _is_ proud of you."

"Proud of what?" Emily bitterly said. "I'm jobless and broke, and I also have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. And not to mention, I also have no romantic future at the moment."

"Hey! You are doing _so_ well," Pam told her. "He always told me how proud he was of you going to Pepperdine. He believes in you, and so do I. You're going to figure everything out eventually."

Emily nodded her head.

"Well... I should head out now," Pam said. "I'll see you later, honey."

It still didn't feel like things were getting better for Emily. In fact, things even felt _worse_. It was hard to see that life kept moving forward, and time didn't just stop because her father died. And she had experienced the death of a loved one before when Maya died, although that obviously wasn't equivalent to losing her father. The worst part was that people wouldn't let her move on. They'd keep on pegging her as 'the girl who knew the deceased', and they'd keep on asking her if she was okay, asking her if things were getting better. One thing, she wasn't getting over his death one bit, and another, her life was still hopeless. Sure, she had graduated from college. But what now? She didn't know what the hell she was going to do with a college degree for a major she wasn't even interested in.

She also left her apartment in California behind, so she had no place to stay. Of course, her mother would allow her to stay in this house for as long as she pleased, but there was only so long she could stay here until she felt like she was mooching off of her poor mother. She had no job, no money, a limited place to stay, and her love life was dead. She had been with a fair share of women during her time at Pepperdine, but most of them felt like lazy hook-ups.

Still, she longed for that youthful love she used to feel. She fell in love three times during high school. The very first time was to none other than Alison DiLaurentis, the girl that was practically a stranger to her now. She avoided thinking about what she felt for Ali ever since she found out that David Rollins even existed. The second time was to Maya St. Germain, and it was rocky at times, but it gave her the first hope to fall in love with somebody that mutually wanted to be with her. She also didn't like thinking about how the story with Maya ended, because it was tragic. The last time she loved was Paige, and that one was also tricky. They undoubtedly had more than enough complications in their relationship. At one point, Emily even thought she was falling in love with Alison again when she came back. But she swatted the thoughts off as soon as they suspected Alison to be guilty.. and then had that horrifying plan to send her to jail.

That plan to send her to jail still made Emily feel disgusted with herself. She couldn't believe she went through with doing something like that. Truth was, the only reason she found it so easy to buy into the idea that Alison was back to her old schemes and was because she _wanted_ to believe that she was a bad person. Hating Alison was so much easier than loving her. God, her heart shattered into a million pieces the first time she got her heart broken by the girl... She was in no healthy state to fall in love with her again. The easiest thing to do was to hate her and go right back to Paige. Paige, who always wanted her. Paige, who loved her and made sure she knew that she was loved.

It was a rollercoaster when Paige moved to California, and she lost the rock that made her feel loved back once again. She tried to bury herself in relationships with Talia and Sara over the remaining months of school, but it never was the same. Maybe that was why she was all too quick to jump back into Paige's arms when she remembered that she was in the same state as her again.

Breaking Emily's long train of thoughts about her love life in high school was the sudden sound of a knock on the door. She felt so startled by the sound, but nevertheless, went to answer the door anyway. She twisted the knob and pulled the door open, and nearly jumped back when she saw the person standing there. She didn't know why it was so surprising: the girl lived here. But it was still a shock that she showed up.

"Hi," she weakly mumbled out, her eyes scanning the tanned beauty from head to toe.

"What do you want, Ali?" Emily asked almost bitterly.

Alison was thrown back by her harsh tone. She knew Emily was upset with her about the wedding thing, but for some reason, she believed that Emily would forgive her.

"I just.. I really want you to forgive me," she told her.

"We both know that I've forgiven you way more times than I should have. You've gotten more chances than you deserve to prove yourself, but you let me down every single time," Emily told her, folding her arms. "I'm done, Ali. I'm actually done this time."

" _Em_ ," Alison pleaded.

Her body quivered at the sound of it. _Em_. God, she wasn't expecting to hear that... freaking nickname. She was even more surprised with herself when her vision became blurry at the sound of it. She blinked hard to stop herself. And luckily, she was actually able to stop herself from it this time. There was just something nostalgic about the way Alison said it, so she couldn't help but get emotional. To be fair, Emily was in an extremely vulnerable state at the moment.

"I would do anything to go back in time and change my mind. I didn't know I would make you this upset by not inviting you to the wedding. We weren't speaking at the time. We completely lost contact!" Alison tried to explain. "Why do you care so much about this wedding, anyways?"

"Why did you come here, to my house?" Emily demanded.

"I asked the girls where you were staying, and they told me that you're—" she began.

"No, I asked _why_ ," Emily bitterly clarified.

"Because I didn't want us to leave things like that. I know, I should have reached out sooner, but I thought you could use some space away from me," Alison told her. "I wasn't sure how long you were going to be in town, so I needed to apologize. I've screwed things up between us too many times. Please."

Emily blinked several times and held on to the doorknob for support. She felt weak in the knees, as if she was going to fall at any given moment. And she had no clue why.

"I was overreacting," Emily admitted, taking a deep breath. "I was.. really, really devastated about my father, and I don't know.. I guess, hearing that you got married and I wasn't invited.. I guess it just set me off more. I was looking for as many reasons to be down as possible."

"You have every right to be mad," Alison told her. "It was selfish of me—"

"It was your wedding. You didn't have to invite me if you didn't want to," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Anyways, thanks for coming by, but I should start making dinner."

Alison furrowed her eyebrows.

"Emily, it's not that I didn't want to invite you," the blonde struggled to speak. "You wouldn't understand the reasoning, but I did want you there. You were the only person that ever really cared for me, and I..." she felt her own vision getting blurry this time, and she wasn't wearing waterproof mascara, so this was _not_ the time for waterworks. "I just, of course I wanted you there. It took me everything I had not to send you the invitation."

"I wouldn't understand?" Emily questioned. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't think it would be a good idea to talk about it. But just know that I wanted you there," she sighed.

The tanned girl didn't know what to say. She wanted to understand why, and she wanted to feel all right with the fact that she wasn't invited to the wedding, but she wasn't. And Alison wasn't giving her much of a reason to be okay with it, since she had no freaking clue why she was left out of it. But it was Alison, and everything was always complicated with her, so Emily decided, for once, to just let it go.

"Well, I should get back. Dinner's not going to cook itself," Emily announced, and was about ready to shut the door.

But the blonde tilted her head to the side and said, "Maybe you'd like some help in the kitchen?"

"That's okay. I think I can handle it myself. You don't have to," Emily shook her head.

"I'd like to," Alison said. "We haven't exactly had a real conversation since you got back. This could be the time."

Emily furrowed her eyebrows. She wasn't sure she would ever be able to understand this girl.

"Okay.. okay, sure," she gave in, and opened the door wide enough for the blonde to walk inside. "I'm making enchiladas, so I hope you're fine with that. You _are_ staying to eat it, right?"

A small smile emerged on the blonde's face.

"If I'm welcome here, then of course."

Xxx

Upon hearing the loud sound of the oven beeping, Emily opened it up and cautiously pulled out the tray of piping hot enchiladas. She set it down on the kitchen counter. At that moment, she realized how lonely it would have been if she had to sit here all by herself and eat enchiladas. She was at least a little bit grateful that Alison had offered to help her cook dinner, and also stay to eat it.

"Wow," the blonde commented with a smile, and took a seat. "They look good."

"Yeah," Emily agreed. "You're pretty good at cooking, you know?"

She shrugged it off with a light smile. Emily furrowed her eyebrows; the Alison she knew would love to boast about her cooking skills after getting a compliment. It felt too modest.

"I'm not the best, but David wants me to be the one to cook," Alison explained. "He said he's never going to become the cooking type, so I had to get to work on learning, or we'd both end up starving to death. Besides, he's got long shifts at work."

Emily truly wished she could sit there and banter about Alison's husband, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It felt weird and unnatural. To avoid being weird about it, she decided to just not respond to that, and speak about something else.

"Do you want something to drink?" Emily asked. "I think my mom has champagne, but she said she doesn't really feel like drinking anymore."

"Enchiladas and champagne?" Alison laughed. "Sounds like a nice combination."

Emily shrugged it off and grabbed the champagne bottle from the cabinet. Afterwards, she grabbed two glasses from the dishwasher and placed them on the countertop. Using her strength, she popped the top off the bottle, and filled the glasses up.

"Looks amazing," Alison commented.

"I've never been a champagne person. I don't even think I've tried it before, but I usually didn't know what was in my cup half the time at the parties I went to," Emily laughed, causing the blonde to furrow her eyebrows.

"That's not good," she said, sounding just like a mother. It was laughable that this was coming from the girl that used to take her to college parties when she was in the ninth grade. This was coming from the girl that helped make her and her friends fake IDs so they could get into clubs!

"It was college, Ali. Everybody does it," Emily shrugged.

"I know, but those parties can be dangerous," Alison explained.

"Who are you and what have you done to the Alison DiLaurentis I used to know?" Emily joked, although there was a hint of sadness behind it.

Sure, Alison was pretty crazy back in high school, but Emily loved her regardless. Even when this girl faked her death and came back, Emily didn't stop loving her. She always thought that she would love her more if Alison changed and became a calmer person, but she was just realizing that wasn't the case. She hated this new Alison, who felt practically like a stranger.

"She grew up," Alison responded, shrugging her shoulders. "I'm proud of the person I am, Emily. We can't stay behind in our youthful selves before. There comes a time where you have to become an adult, and I think I reached that stage."

"What, you think that because you've become a married woman that you can't live your life anymore?" Emily rolled her eyes. "I can't even recognize you, Ali! This honestly just feels weird!"

Alison tilted her head to the side in confusion. She always thought that everyone would appreciate her change, and appreciate that she matured. She stopped playing games with people, and she tried not to do crazy things anymore. She couldn't believe that Emily was giving her crap for actually becoming a better person than she was in high school.

"Maybe I should go home..." Alison muttered, standing up from her seat. "It doesn't really feel like this is the time we should be doing this."

"Are you kidding?" Emily scoffed.

"Don't worry about it. David is probably wondering where I am, anyways," the blonde told her.

"Yeah, you're right. You should get back to _David_ ," Emily mocked.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Alison asked defensively. She folded her arms. "Emily, I don't want to fight with you, but you have been against him from the moment you first saw him! And I know that I didn't invite you to the wedding, but he had nothing to do with it. He didn't ask me not to invite you, that was my choice. So, why are you lashing out against him? He is a good man, and you know it."

"You're not Ali anymore, that's what," Emily rolled her eyes.

"Look, I get that you're hurting because of your father, but that doesn't give you the right to trash who I am, and trash my husband," Alison warned her. "What, do you think David had something to do with me changing? Because that was a decision _I_ chose to make. I wanted to be a better person. I thought everyone would appreciate that, but clearly I was wrong. One person doesn't, and that's you."

The blonde sighed loudly and added one last thing, "Normal friends can _talk_ about this stuff. They can _talk_ about each other's love lives, make jokes together, and be happy for each other. They don't put their loved ones down and avoid ever mentioning the fact that there's a very real relationship here. I'm married, Emily, and you can't avoid that forever."

Emily watched frustratedly as Alison picked up her purse and started walking towards the door. She wanted so bad to stop her, but right now, she just knew that she wasn't in a good enough place to be having friendly conversations about Alison's husband. So, she let the blonde walk out of her house, even when she gave a long glance back that was seriously making Emily want to take it back and tell her to stay. But, she didn't. She let her go. It wouldn't be the first time.

* * *

A MONTH LATER

"I spent last night with Toby," the brunette with bangs smirked proudly.

Aria Montgomery raised her eyebrows and smirked back at the girl.

"I'll bet it was for more than just talking," Aria teased, leaning back on the couch they were sitting on in the lobby of Radley, which was surprisingly transformed into a hotel in the time that Emily was gone. She didn't get it, but it was much better seeing this than the mental institution that was a root cause of many of her high school problems.

Hanna was staying at _The Radley_ for a few days, which made it sound a lot more exquisite than it used to sound when it was a mental institution... She came back to town to inform her friends that she was getting married to this fashion designer she met back in New York, and asked him if they could have the wedding in Rosewood, since it was her home. He gladly agreed, and therefore she was back in town for the time being.

"So, are you two getting back together?" Aria furthered, putting her hand on Spencer's shoulder with intrigue in her eyes.

"Maybe," she blushed happily. "I mean, I _hope_ so. We've spent so much time running around the idea of getting back together, and I.. I want it. I want to be with him."

Hanna clapped her hands together proudly.

"Man, it took you way too long to say that!" the blonde laughed. "It must have been the sex from last night. Was it _that_ good that it convinced you to want him back?"

Hearing the way Hanna bantered with them was the eye-opening moment for Emily. She remembered what Alison had said to her a month ago so clearly. The way the blonde had looked at her with those big blue eyes, showing her real desire for Emily to be able to grow up and be a normal friend. How could she be a normal friend now? Emily never realized how different her friendship with Alison was. It was hard for her to laugh about Alison's relationships, discuss her sex life, and do what normal best friends really should have been able to do for a long time. God, she had barely heard a thing about any of the guys Alison had been with in her life. And maybe it was because Alison could be a little secretive with those facts, but if Emily had truly cared enough about her love life, she would have badgered her about it.

And Emily realized, at that moment, that maybe it wasn't because she didn't care who Alison was seeing, but rather that she just didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to have the information of which disgusting assholes Alison had slept around with, or even dated. Hearing that would only upset her, and she the thought kept occurring that someone who was a "normal friend" would have been able to handle it. She wasn't a normal friend to Alison.

Emily didn't mind playing around with the other girls. She made jokes about Spencer, Aria, and Hanna's love lives all the time. She could recall so many Fitz jokes she had made in the past. But it was different with Alison. Emily didn't like to think about those people she had been with.

But she didn't want to lose Alison, and if becoming a normal friend was what she had to do, then it was what she was going to do. She could do it, right? Joke around about Alison's husband, make little remarks about their sex life, even throw in some relationship advice here and there when troubles surfaced. That was what good friends did, it seemed.

Xxx

It had been long enough since what happened at the Fields' home, so Emily grew a pair and called her up to apologize for the way she behaved that night. She knew how immature she had been acting ever since the funeral, when she found out. Alison said it was fine, and said she understood what Emily was going through. They ended the call there. It wasn't exactly the resolution Emily was hoping for, but it was much better than being on horrible terms with her.

"Hey, honey!" Pam fields exclaimed, walking downstairs to see her daughter putting on a black jacket. "Are you heading out? I was just about to start cooking dinner."

"I'll be back in time to eat, I think. I wanted to take a quick bike ride," Emily explained. "I think some fresh air and alone time is what I need right now."

"A little late to be biking, but if it's what you want... Okay, well, I hope you're back in time," Pam said. "See you. Love you."

"Love you, too, Mom," she smiled as she walked into the garage.

Her mother hadn't sold a thing. Her bicycle was still sitting there, leaning against the wall untouched. It was so unused it hurt her. The last time she rode that bicycle right there, her father was alive and well, breathing and conscious. Emily felt a shiver run down her spine when she thought about the fact that she could have been with her father or talked to him on the phone instead of riding this damn bike.

She brushed the thought off. She was trying not to hate herself too much. Continuing, she used her hand to push the dust that had severely built up over the years off of the bike. She guessed her mom didn't come down here so much ever since her daughter left for college. Swallowing hard, she climbed onto the bike and peddled out through the side door.

She biked, and biked, trying to keep a blank mind as she went. She didn't want to be thinking so hard. No thoughts about her father, no thoughts about figuring out her future, and most certainly no thoughts about Alison.

Oh God, there were freaking thoughts about freaking Alison.

Mentally, she kicked herself when the stupid image of that stupid blonde appeared in her mind. She didn't want to be thinking about her while she was supposed to be getting her mind off of everything! That was the freaking point of this bike ride! And maybe the reason she ended up at the Kissing Rock was because she kept thinking about her. She was barely thinking about where she was going while thinking about the blonde, she sort of just... ended up going there.

She shuddered at the sight of the rock, and she didn't know if it was good or bad. Oh, all the times she came up here while she was a teenager... She hadn't been here in damn forever. It actually felt both good _and_ bad to be here again, and see it again.

She put the stand down on her bike, hopped off, and then continued towards the rock. Gently, she grazed her hand over the surface of it. She laughed when she thought about the current high school students of Rosewood High that probably came here to make out with their boyfriends or girlfriends without a care in the world. They came here thinking that the person they were with was going to last for the rest of their lives, but would be torn apart when the complications of figuring out their adult life came about. That love they had.. well, it most likely wouldn't last.

She didn't know why she was thinking so bitterly. Half the kids that came down here made out with people just for fun, and not because they were in love or anything. She felt like she was turning into the bitter old woman who was only sour because her love life sucked ass. And it did suck ass. The last woman she was with was Paige, and that was back when she was still in California. So yeah, she felt like she had a reason to be sour about it. It was hard getting back into the dating world. She wasn't sure anyone would really get what a crazy-ass mind she had. She felt too complicated to handle.

"Em?" she suddenly heard from behind her.

Freaking out, Emily turned around and went wide-eyed when she saw Alison DiLaurentis standing there. She came to the Kissing Rock?

"Why are you here?" Emily asked, swallowing hard.

"I could ask you the same question," Alison reminded.

"Well, I.. I was checking out old stuff from when I lived here. It's nice to see things from my teenage life," Emily shrugged, feeling like she was telling a lie, although she actually had no clue why she came here at all. "And you," she continued. "Why are _you_ here?"

"I like to take a walk down memory lane from time to time," Alison shrugged her shoulders.

"I didn't think you'd ever want to think about the past, considering that you've got a completely different present," she muttered.

Alison raised her eyebrows.

"It's still me, Em," the blonde reminded. "You're acting as if I'm dead or something. I'm still right here. I may be in different circumstances now, but I'm always going to be your Ali."

Emily remembered the bitter realization she came across the other day while talking to the other girls. The way Hanna and Spencer could joke around about who they were seeing... Emily wanted to be able to do that with Alison. She wanted to be a normal friend. It was bitter realizing that they weren't normal friends. But then again, nothing in her life had really been normal since the night Alison 'disappeared' in high school.

That didn't matter now, though. It had been far too long, so Emily needed to make herself become a normal friend. She forced herself.

"So, how's the sex with David?" Emily asked, and it was the most awkward-sounding thing she had ever said in her life. She was sure of it. She just wanted to take it back and make it so that Alison didn't have to hear her acting like such an idiot!

To her surprise, Alison furrowed her eyebrows and laughed. Clearly, she thought it was weird, but she seemed to find it funny.

"Are you making an attempt to hear about my marriage?" Alison asked in a mock-surprised tone. Her facial expression turned serious. "No, Em, that's actually really sweet of you to try. I know how hard this is for the both of us."

"Hard? It's not hard. I'm, uh, I'm trying to be a good friend. Why would it be weird? Is it weird for you?" Emily asked, feeling as if her questions came out almost _too_ desperate.

"Calm down," the blonde said, putting her hand on Emily's shoulder.

Emily tensed up at the touch. She couldn't believe she was freaking acting like this! She promised herself she would try and be a good friend, but here she was, acting like an insane person. It was a shame Radley had been turned into a hotel, or else she would have needed to be checked in by now.

"Sit down," Alison encouraged, and grabbed Emily's arm. Both of them took a seat next to each other on the rock. Alison smiled and continued, "David is a really great guy, Em."

"I'm sure he is. He seems that way," Emily nodded her head. "So, uh, how did you two meet?"

Alison's heart warmed knowing that Emily was making this effort to get to know the story with her husband. A little while ago, Emily acted as if talking about him was impossible, like he was a 'he-who-shall-not-be-named'.

"Through Charlotte. He's a doctor that works for the new mental institution.. the one that Charlotte's at right now," Alison explained. "When everyone left Rosewood, I was still feeling down about the situation. I needed to give her the family she needed and wanted so badly. And he helped me with that. He cared for me and my situation so much. He helped me visit her, find ways to talk to her, and he helped _me_ talk through it. We talked so much that we eventually realized there was something between us. He asked me out to dinner, I said yes, and it went on from there."

"That's sweet," Emily commented, although she still felt weird about the whole thing. She couldn't believe Alison was talking about her _husband_ right now. "I'm happy that you had someone to talk to you about Charlotte." She pressed her lips together for a moment. "I feel like I should have been there for you more with that. You should have had your friends be there for you."

"That's fine," Alison shook her head. "You all shouldn't worry about it. I understand that you guys had lives you needed to live. I wasted your entire high school experience getting you dragged into these situations. The last five years were better off being all about you."

"That doesn't mean we shouldn't have not been there for you. We should have called and checked up on you," Emily sighed. "Maybe that's why you thought we weren't good enough friends to be there at your wedding. Because truth is, we weren't close at all after going our separate ways. I should have accepted that and been understanding when I found out you got married. I'm sorry."

Alison shook her head.

"Em, that's not why I didn't invite you to the wedding. There's always going to be a closeness between us. I wanted you guys to be there, and I was about to send you invitations, but..." she began, biting her lip.

"But what, Ali?" Emily asked calmly, furrowing her eyebrows. But on the inside, she was dying to know what the reason was. What in the world could make Alison not end up sending them invitations to her wedding? "Why didn't you invite us? You can tell me. I told you, I've accepted that I wasn't there."

"Emily..." she sighed, trying to avoid those chocolate eyes. "Oh God, Em, you're going to think I'm crazy if I tell you."

"That's not true. I'd never think you're legitimately _crazy_ , Ali. Just crazy in good ways," Emily assured her.

"You say that now, but if you actually knew," Alison shook her head. " _God_ , if you actually knew..."

"Let me know," Emily begged. "I want to understand what happened. Please. We were best friends, Ali. We told each other almost everything. Even the craziest stuff. I can handle it. We've been through so many horrible things together. Nothing is going to ruin this."

Emily was surprised that when Alison turned back to face her again, there were tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I didn't send you the invitation because..." she began, swallowing hard. "I was finally settled with my life, okay? I knew that if I was getting married and I saw _you_ again.. _You_ , Em, not the other girls.. that I wouldn't be able to go through with it." She wiped a tear off of her face. "I was scared that if I was standing there at the alter, about to get married to David, and I looked over and saw your face.. that I'd back out. That I'd still wonder what was between you and me, and how we never talked about what happened between us, and.. just.. _that_."

Emily's lips were quivering. She felt herself about to cry as well. It didn't feel real. _Alison DiLaurentis_ was afraid of falling for her at her own wedding to a man? She actually wouldn't have been able to go through with it if she saw Emily sitting there?

Their eyes locked for another moment. Emily reached to the blonde's cheeks and wiped the tears off of her face with her thumbs. She hated seeing Alison cry like this, especially when it was about her.

"At that time, I heard you went upstate in California to see Paige. Spencer had told me you guys were probably going to get back together, and I think a part of me died a little when I heard that. I knew we went our separate ways, and I knew nothing really happened between us after that night in high school. But maybe that's what made me wonder even more about us. And I know it's stupid, since I was engaged to David and.. I love him," she breathed out.

"You love him?" Emily asked, feeling her heart ache just a little hearing that.

She should have expected that Alison loved her own husband, but part of her was hoping that she didn't, after hearing that story about why she wasn't invited to their wedding.

"Of course I love him. Maybe not in the way that a wife should love her husband, but I definitely do love him, at least as a friend. But sometimes I feel like he's a brother to me," she sighed. "I do love him, though."

Emily didn't remove her hands from Alison's cheeks, even though many of the tears had already stopped. Although she knew it was a stupid idea, and would probably lead to even more complications than there already were, Emily began leaning forwards. She felt like such an idiot.. the girl that was still hung up on the person she was in love with in high school. But, she did it anyways.

Before their lips could even touch, Alison spoke up and quietly whispered, "I'm married."

"I know," Emily whispered back, yet still closed the distance between their lips.

It was soft. A dreamy kiss where their lips gently touched. Emily could feel the softness of Alison's lips, and thought about how lucky David Rollins was, since he got to wake up to these lips every morning. God, what she'd give to have this girl the way he did...

Alison tasted like strawberries. Emily had almost forgotten the way her lips had tasted. She liked it, too. She loved the way her nose felt when it was buried inside of Alison's cheek because her head was tilted so much. She loved how soft Alison's skin felt while she was caressing both of her cheeks. She loved the way Alison quietly whimpered when she slid her tongue against the blonde's bottom lip. She loved the way Alison's hands were tangled inside of her dark hair. She loved the way that they were kissing at the Kissing Rock.

* * *

ANOTHER MONTH LATER

Emily was well-aware of the consequences of kissing a person who is already in a relationship, obviously including a married woman. She just wasn't expecting their entire friendship to become nonexistent. Her expectations were awkward encounters where they didn't have words for each other.. or maybe even the awkward glances.

So, it had been a month since they kissed at the Kissing Rock for the first time. And they hadn't talked at all. Emily was too afraid to text Alison or call her, so she just hoped that the blonde would initiate. But she never did. Alison was equally as afraid to talk about it. Back in high school when they hooked up, she was beyond afraid of talking about it. But this was even worse. She was _married_ , and she had kissed a _woman_. Not only a woman, but one of her _best friends_. It felt criminal, almost.

Emily was trying her hardest to stop thinking about it. It was hard, though. How could she forget about something like that?

She closed herself off in her room. She tried to get into reading a little bit. Her mother still hadn't complained one bit about her mooching off of their sheltering house in Rosewood while she didn't have a job. Emily supposed that her mother enjoyed the company after discovering that she was all alone without her father. He may have been deployed quite often, but he was still alive. They still talked whenever they could. Life just became a lot emptier knowing that he was truly gone, and would never come home.

Interrupting her first attempt at trying to read a novel, which happened to be Ezra Fitz's first published book, was the sound of her bedroom door opening. She felt somewhat startled upon discovering that _Alison_ had come over.

"A-Ali?" she stammered, setting her book down on the nightstand next to her. "What are you doing here?"

"Your mom was going out again, and she let me in on her way out," Alison explained.

"I didn't mean how you got in.. I mean _why_ are you here," Emily clarified, biting her lip nervously.

She scanned the blonde, searching for an answer in her eyes.

"I don't know," she mumbled out. "I needed to see you again."

"Ali," Emily breathed.

Alison joined Emily on her bed.

"Today, I, uh," she began nervously. "Emily, I told David that I want to get a divorce."

Emily's jaw dropped. She could feel her eyes nearly bugging out of her head.

" _What_!?" Emily cried. "Ali, why? You said you love him, and.. why?"

"Em, I screwed up with you so many times. Every time we could have been something, I messed it up. You're always the one who has had to chase after me. It's time that I do the work," Alison told her.

"What are you saying?" Emily asked nervously. She had an idea of what this was about.

"I'm ready to try things out with you," Alison confessed. "We don't have to do the girlfriend thing, but I don't think we've ever been just friends." She stared at the floor for a moment while continuing, "I think there's always been something else between us. And I think it's time I stop ignoring that."

"Ali," she smiled nervously. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes," Alison answered confidently. She leaned in and pressed her lips against Emily's chastely. "I'm sure this is what I want, okay? It's always been what I want, I was just too afraid to admit it. I've gone so long with the front that I'm straight, but I should have known that I'm not, because I felt something for you long before we kissed in high school." She reached over and took Emily's hand. "You were always my favorite, you know."

Emily blushed, but then snapped back to reality.

"How did David react when you told him?" she asked.

"Mad, obviously," Alison sighed. "But I explained it to him, and he calmed down. I told him that I have feelings for a _girl_. He was still mad, but he agreed that we shouldn't be married if this is the way things are."

"So, what does this mean for us now?" Emily asked.

"It means that I love you, Emily," the blonde laughed, and squeezed the other girl's hands. "But you should know.. the divorce is going to take a while. It's not a quick process."

Emily smiled.

"I know," she nodded her head. "And I'm okay with that."

"Good," Alison said, and leaned closer. "You know, the moment this divorce is finalized, you and me.. well, we're taking that trip to Paris that we always dreamed of."

Emily didn't even feel the need to tell Alison that she loved her when she heard that. It seemed pretty undeniable that she loved her already. She took Alison's hands and pulled her back so the blonde was on top of her. Their lips touched, and this time, it was in a not-so-chaste sort of way.

"Are you sure you want to do this now?" Alison asked when she felt Emily's hands fumbling to pull her top over her head. "I'm not even divorced yet," she reminded.

"God, I don't care right now," Emily laughed, shaking her head. "I have waited way too long to do this. I need it now."

Alison laughed as well, and they resumed kissing.

* * *

 **A/N: Whew, that was longer than I expected! The ending may seem a little rushed, and I apologize for that. I feel like this happens all the time, where I put a lot more effort in the beginning than the end. But hey, at least there's a happy ending! When I first started writing this, I was planning on it being a sadder ending where they didn't end up together. However, I think we already have enough sadness in their relationship on the show, so we might as well have happy endings in the fanfics!**

 **Leave a review and tell me what you think!**


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